18 Signs That You Are You In A Codependent Relationship:
Life is a like a roller coaster ride that’s filled with ups and downs .... Twists & turns .... Good times & bad times .....And all kinds of blessings & challenges.
When we go through life challenges and difficult moments - It’s perfectly normal for us to seek emotional support and empathy from those who care about us.
Tough times make us truly value the blessing of a strong support system that may consist of family members, friends and partners who lovingly look out for us and protect us.
However, emotional dependence is very unhealthy. Emotional dependence is an unhealthy tendency to be completely reliant on a partner, friend or family member to fulfil all of our emotional needs.
INTERDEPENDENT VERSUS CODEPENDENT RELATIONSHIPS:
Codependent Relationships: Is when one person in the relationship, or both, rely heavily on the other for their self worth and overall emotional well-being.
In a codependent relationship, one person will play the role of the overly generous, loving and protective GIVER- While the other person is the needy, moody and unstable TAKER.
The GIVER tends to lose a part of who they are to make the TAKER feel comfortable, they focus all their energy on helping the TAKER - And over time they tend to lose out on their self identity, interests and hobbies to appease the TAKER’S insecurities and needs.
While the TAKER always has a problem or need that they want the GIVER to help them with - Over time their demands and needs increase as they become more and more dependent on the GIVER.
They are constantly looking for reassurance and support in their relationships to build their self-esteem, confidence, and self-worth. They need to be in a relationship to feel good about themselves
The dynamic in the relationship is one of emotional manipulation, obsession, and giving up parts of one’s individual identity to appease the other.
Codependent Relationships are unhealthy and imbalanced for both the people involved - As the GIVER stops developing their individuality and interests outside of their compulsive need to fix the TAKER - While the TAKER stops developing their problem solving skills and their ability to self soothe cause they are so dependent on the GIVER.
Interdependent Relationship: Is when both people in the relationship rely on each other in a balanced and healthy way. They both recognize the importance of their emotional bond - While simultaneously maintaining a healthy sense of Self (Likes/ dislikes/ Interests/ hobbies) within the relationship dynamic.
They do not “Over Rely” on each other for every single thing. Whenever possible, they first try to use their inner wisdom to find solutions on their own. And then they either cross check the solutions they found with the other person, or they ask for help whenever they feel they can’t find solutions on their own.
It’s important to note that interdependent relationship does not mean being closed and overly independent either.
It is a relationship that allows freedom of expression and comfort for both the people in the connection - Where there isn’t any fear of revealing their vulnerabilities and weaknesses - Because they feel understood, safe and loved.
This kind of safe and loving space can only be created when both the people involved have developed a healthy self identity of who they are and which values and core beliefs are truly healthy for themselves and everyone around them - So that they can bring out the best versions of themselves to benefit their connection.
IS SELF LOVE IMPORTANT IN INTERDEPENDENT RELATIONSHIPS?
Before you can unconditionally love others, you must first learn to love and heal every bit of yourself. Oxygen Mask Analogy: When we take a flight - we always watch a flight safety demonstration - Which says - Should the cabin lose pressure - Oxygen masks will fall from the over head area. If you are travelling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person. Similarly, learning how to love and heal ourselves first - Helps us attract healthier relationships and teaches us how to love others unconditionally. We can’t love others if we don’t know how to love ourselves. Many of us are stuck in unhealthy, codependent or abusive relationships because of feelings of guilt and misplaced martyrdom - Which is actually unhealthy for everyone involved.
This is unhealthy because devotion to a relationship should never outweigh one’s individual and psychological needs - As it will lead to depression, anxiety and lack of self worth. On the other hand, a healthy sense of Self Love gives us the wisdom and the courage to nurture the relationship without sacrificing what’s truly important for our individual growth.
Are You in a Codependent Relationship?
Check this list to see if your relationship is displaying any of these 18 Warning Signs of a codependent relationship:
1, Emotionally dependent people often experience feelings of insecurity or self-doubt. They are constantly looking for reassurance and support in their relationships to build their self-esteem, confidence, and self-worth. They need to be in a relationship to feel good about themselves
2, They may use emotional manipulation to gain sympathy and attention. They have constant mood swings and may often display temper tantrums, like outbursts of crying or shouting - Almost like a baby demanding love and attention from their parents.
3, They always rely on other people for emotional support. They rarely put in the energy to discover different techniques to calm and recenter their scattered thoughts and emotions.
4, They have an idealized view of their relationships potential which can hamper the current reality of the relationship. If we love someone’s potential versus where they are at currently - We then subconsciously start taking responsibility for their progress and end up becoming overly patient and nurturing - Almost like a parent to a child - Which then leads to codependence.
5, They have an underlying belief that their life lacks meaning without the other person. They have a belief that they can never find happiness or security without having the that person in their lives.
6, They find it difficult to enjoy their time alone. They feel bored, empty and anxious when they are alone.
7, They feel jealous when the other person in the relationship spends their time away from them. They tend to be possessive.
8, They find it difficult to say no. They end up compromising their own needs and wants - Because they fear, that speaking their mind will end the relationship. They do not want to deal with disappointment or disapproval - So they quick to say “yes” without pausing to consider how they feel - Which then stops them from living their life the way they want to. 9, There is tendency to want to fix the other person’s issues. Which then makes that person become reliant on you and your help from the start. 10, Their conversations always revolve around their relationship - It’s normal to talk about your relationship when things are tough but if the relationship become the center of your universe - Then it’s a clear sign that you don’t have an identity outside of the relationship. 11, They feel that they are responsible for the other person’s moods and happiness. If the other person feels low - They feel it’s their job to make them happy again. Feeling a sense of defeat when they aren’t able to consistently make them happy again and again.
12, They give so much importance to the other person’s feelings that they minimize their own feelings. With such weak boundaries - It becomes hard for them to identify where their feelings end and their partners’ feelings begin.
13, They constantly ask the other person’s opinion before they do anything. When you don’t have a sense of self and relinquish your power to make decisions- You end up questioning your ability to make decisions.
14, They do everything possible to avoid arguments and fights. They end up suppressing their emotions and ability to express themselves in a healthy way. 15, They frequently make excuses or try to compensate for the other person’s bad behaviour or toxic habits - Which then enables them to repeat such toxic behaviour.
A codependent person often remains in a relationship even if the other person does hurtful things, or exhibits psychological or physical abuse.
Remember by making excuses for them or rescuing them again and again - You end up encouraging their toxic behaviour, unhealthy dependence, irresponsibility, immaturity or addictions. 16, One person ends up giving more than they receive while the other person receives more than they give. 17, They take advantage of your kindness, empathy and love. So they can avoid taking responsibility for their own life.
18, They blame you for their addictions and other shortcomings or try to control your life.
Eg 1: “If you want to be with me - You have to give up playing tennis with your friends.”
Eg 2: “Because you are so busy with work - I have a drinking problem and it’s all your fault.”
How Do We Transform a Codependent Relationship into an Interdependent Relationship?
1, Make a list with your partner - So that both of you can explore your individual preferences while simultaneously learning about each other.
Make it a fun game. Write down your likes/ dislikes/ Who you are and What are your Values/ Goals and Dreams.
2, Then based on your list. Make a fun routine that engages both of you with activities related to your personal goals, hobbies and interests. There could be shared activities and interests but make sure both of you have time to pursue individual goals and interests too.
3, The list should also ensure that both of you are living a balanced life by engaging in activities that develop your Body( work out) Mind (creative pursuits) & Soul (Meditation/ Ascension healing) 4, Also discuss your physical, mental, material, emotional & sexual preferences and limits with your partner to establish clear boundaries.
Make sure that both your individual preferences are aligned with your values - Put in the energy to understand each other’s comfort levels.
5, Learn how to communicate effectively. Make sure that the other person feels comfortable enough to express their emotions and needs without fear, judgement & manipulation.
Remember: Saying "no" doesn’t = Being rude or stand -offish.
Here are 3 ways of communicating effectively when you both don’t agree on something.
A, You can say I appreciate you want this but I am not comfortable doing that. I need you to understand why I am not comfortable.
B, Why don’t we both compromise a lil bit for the sake of our common good.
C, We aren’t agreeing on this - So lets take some time to find solutions and revisit this another time.
6, See a therapist: A therapist offers a safe and neutral space to help you both figure out which behaviours are codependent and how to correct unhealthy patterns. A therapist can help you explore issues from your past that contribute to codependency. Emotional dependence often stems from unhappy childhood memories.
Therapists also teach different techniques to boost self-confidence and heal negative thought patterns.
If you need help to break free from codependent behaviours or if you want to learn Ascension Healing - Please fill up the form below this article and I will get back to you.
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Love, Light & Blessings