Heartbreak Recovery Guide: How To Heal From A Painful Breakup.
Updated: Jun 1, 2021
In a world obsessed with instant gratification and instant pleasure - falling in love with someone is truly precious - and having a relationship with the one you love is a blessing.
But the problem starts - when the relationship with the one you love so deeply - starts getting ugly.
Ego battles and betrayal can break up even the most loving relationships in a very bitter way.
It can feel like your heart has been shattered into a million pieces - because your partner had literally become the center of your life.
You had given so much of your love, time, focus, and energy to your partner - that now you can’t imagine living without him/ her.
Your enthusiasm for life - your dedication towards your career - and your self-esteem - slowly begin to sink into darkness and despair. You find yourself crying all the time - feeling depressed, angry, or guilty - as you keep replaying every single detail of why things ended. If you are feeling like this - Please know you’re not alone. Heart Break is TOUGH - The betrayal and sense of loss are so unbearable that you may even start indulging in addictions like alcohol & drugs to numb the pain. Heartbreak and betrayal can also make people more suspicious - where you just can’t seem to trust anyone - anymore.
But please realize that the only thing that’s constant in this universe is change - and this difficult phase shall pass too. So the best thing you can do - is to learn how to love and comfort yourself like you would comfort a child or a loved one. If you feel like you need support and guidance in your healing journey - please know, it’s completely normal to seek professional help.
For those of you who need immediate guidance - I’ve created this breakup recovery guide to help you find your way back to the light - towards enjoying your life again - by healing your broken heart and restoring your self-belief. It's time to get your mojo back.
Mojo meaning: To regain one's confidence, energy, or enthusiasm - a resurgence in one's positive outlook on life. Let’s begin with a fun visual exercise - where you remember the good times that you’ve had in your life - before you met the person who broke your heart.
Let’s go back in time - when you felt truly vibrant - when you believed in yourself and believed in love. 1, What were your happiest memories before you were in this relationship? Please write it down 2, What were your dreams? What did you want to accomplish in life?
3, What were you passionate about? 4, What were your likes & dislikes? 5, Who were you were hanging out with? 6, What all did you do to explore life? After going through these questions - I am sure you’ve realized that your life has had its good moments too - and somehow you've lost your identity - your passion - your likes and dislikes to please the one you love. If this is the case, let’s make a pact to put in the energy to heal the wounds that are holding you back from living your life the way you want. I know how much it hurts now - and I know you feel like you don’t even have the energy to move - but let’s put in the intention to take one baby step at a time - and before you know it - you would have climbed out of that deep, dark well of sadness, that has trapped you for a very long time.
The Heartbreak Recovery Guide:
Recovering from grief is like a journey - that involves different stages of progress to heal.
Recognition of loss
Acceptance & peace
STAGE 1: DENIAL
The first stage after a major heartbreak is denial. This is a common defense mechanism that numbs you from accepting the intensity of the situation.
Denial can take place in 3 ways: 1, Hoping that the break up isn’t final - that the person will come back. E.g: He/ she is upset now - but they will call me tomorrow
2, Indulging in unhealthy addictions to replace your addiction to love. To avoid facing the pain from a painful breakup - one can get addicted to alcohol, drugs, etc
Love releases dopamine - just like an addiction. When we’re in love we are high on dopamine - it feels AMAZING! But When we break up - we go through dopamine withdrawal and may try to fill in our dopamine fix with other addictions to numb the pain.
3, Falling in love with your partner's potential versus their current reality. When you love someone - you want to believe in their potential to be good - to believe that they have good intentions in their heart - but you have to be honest with yourself - about what is actually happening versus what you hope will happen.
1, Ask yourself - if your best friend was in the same situation - what advice would you give them - then follow that same advice for yourself.
2, See the complete picture based on their actions - not just their words. Don’t deny the truth that the person you love may have intentionally hurt you - by justifying their actions. 3, Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option. Love yourself enough to know when someone is mistreating you or taking you for granted. 4, Identify and eliminate unhealthy behaviors. Keep a check on how much you stalk your ex's Instagram or obsessively replay the memories you both shared.
These obsessive behaviors - if left unchecked can become unhealthy habits that will keep you stuck in lower states of depression.
5, Get an accountability buddy or a life coach to keep your unhealthy habits and addictions in check (Click on this link to read more about healing bad habits )
STAGE 2: BARGAINING
In the bargaining stage of grief, you may feel so lost, lonely, and empty - you find yourself creating “if only” scenarios.
E.g 1: “If he/she will give me another chance, I swear I will give him/her everything they want. E.g 2: “If only I was more thoughtful - he/ she would have not left me.”
1, Cutting off contact with a toxic ex has scientifically-proven benefits that help you heal.
Maybe you can be friends when both of you have healed and learned how to respect each other - but in the meantime - Block or hide your ex on all the apps you use with them - Instagram, Facebook, etc.
Delete your toxic ex from your phone so that you don’t get tempted to send an angry or emotional message.
If you interact with your toxic ex without healing any bitter memories - Studies show that your brain will react as if the betrayal/heartbreak has just happened.
Each time you think of how your ex hurt you - your brain releases the stress response - the fight or flight response - as if that situation is happening right now - which is very unhealthy.
Just like how we cry real tears when we watch a movie - our body can’t tell the difference between a memory and what’s happening now.
So if you continue to meet your ex without healing - the bitter memories of how your ex caused you pain - will keep resurfacing - until you both put in the energy to heal the past.
2, If you have kids with your ex - you’ll probably still have to communicate. So aim for minimal polite contact. 3, Hide all reminders that act as a dopamine fix - Remove or hide anything that triggers memories of your ex. 4, Remind yourself of why your ex didn’t bring out the best in you.
As time goes by - you may start thinking about the good times and all the things you enjoyed in your relationship.
Make sure you remember the complete picture - the good and bad memories - so that you don't think of your toxic ex in an idealized way by blocking out what really happened.
Think of all the things that your ex did that were rude or hurtful?
Write down all of the ways your ex wasn’t a good match for you.
Keep this list on your phone and read it every time you get tempted to reach out.
5, Refocus your thoughts on activities that engage your brain:
Hang out with friends who encourage you in positive ways.
Go for a walk in nature
Read a book or watch a movie.
Plan a holiday
Focus on work
STAGE 3: ANGER
The third stage of the recovery process is when anger & frustration sets in. When you realize you can’t do anything to bring your ex back.
E.g: “I hate him! I will make sure he’s never happy again - I will call all his friends and tell them how he cheated on me!”
Remember: It’s important to realize that acting out from anger leads to more conflict and heartache - so it’s important to channel your anger in healthier ways.
Channel your anger through mindfulness techniques like ascension healing and also through movement - hiking/ swimming/ walking/ dancing/gym/yoga.
Exercise produces endorphins and serotonin, which promote a positive outlook.
As your anger begins to subside - you will have to face the emotions that you’ve been avoiding - which then brings us to the next stage.
STAGE 4: RECOGNITION OF LOSS.
Realizing that the person you loved - intentionally hurt or betrayed you - is the most painful experience one can have in their life.
E.g: She was cheating on me all this time - how can she lie to me so much.
1.Feel your feelings. Allow yourself to FULLY feel your feelings to be able to release them.
Your emotions, your feelings are messengers that guide you and show you what feels wrong and what feels right - it helps you understand the situation better. (Click on this link to see if you are a proactive warrior or a reactive worrier)
Note: Journalling is very helpful in processing emotions- it allows you to understand your thoughts and feelings.
2, After allowing yourself to feel all your emotions - be gentle with yourself like you would nurture a child.
Have a good cry / Take a warm bath / get a massage/ aromatherapy/ watch feel-good movies.
STAGE 5: DEPRESSION
This is a stage where the pain and the loss become overwhelming and heavy. Eg: “I just can't live without him/her.”
Depression can be difficult - But Don’t Become Your Feelings.
1, Let yourself feel your feelings - but don't wallow in sadness.
It’s important to have a balanced day to ensure you don't sink into depression. Assign an appropriate amount of time to process your feelings - and then focus your energy on activities that uplift you.
Get enough sleep - work out - be creative - spend time with family.
2, Trust that the pain won’t last forever. It’s all part of growing up and understanding life.
Remember: just like your previous hardships - This shall pass too.
3, Make a recovery plan to recenter yourself and focus on your goals.
This will not only help you raise your vibration - but it will also help you feel productive.
Note: While pursuing your goals through classes & meet-ups - It is highly possible that you may attract someone special into your life - someone who matches your passion and interests. 4, Find a support system of friends and family to help you. But if you find yourself talking about your breakup obsessively - it’s probably better to contact a counselor or a life coach.
5, Stay in the present. Don't overanalyze what happened in the past or worry about whether your partner will find somebody else?
If your partner betrayed you - You might feel that somehow your partner’s betrayal is your fault - which can adversely affect your self-belief and self-esteem.
A, Practice mindfulness techniques like ascension healing or meditation to reaffirm the fact that your partner cheating is not your fault.
B, Raise your frequency - spend time in nature, watch uplifting ted talks/self-help videos to motivate yourself, or hire a life coach to guide you.
STAGE 6: ACCEPTANCE & PEACE
At this stage, you come to terms with what happened with your ex - and what your life will be like without your ex.
You are now ready to start taking proactive steps towards creating a better future.
E.g: “ Whatever happened has taught me so much - I have so much love to give - I truly believe there is someone out there for me."
But this is easier said than done. When you spend too much time analyzing a break-up, the brain develops a habit of thinking negatively - and it begins to find comfort in thinking about your break-up as it feels like a familiar habit.
1, Motivate yourself to explore new activities - it’s a great way to meet new people and create new memories. E.g: Join a fun class or start a fun project with friends.
2. Don’t compare yourself to others - everyone has their own timeline - don’t let age or social conditioning pressure you into staying in a toxic relationship. (Click on this link to learn how to change negative beliefs)
3, Heal the memory of betrayal. The scars of betrayal can be lingering in your subconscious mind. Ascension healing and meditation can help to heal the thought patterns that keep you feeling low and it can also help you process the pain and learn the lesson needed to make you stronger & wiser.
4, Practice Forgivenes: This does not mean accepting bad behavior from others; it means processing the bitter memory - finding the lesson needed to make you wiser and stronger - and then detaching yourself from the pain and bitterness attached to that memory.
Feelings of anger, hatred, and thoughts of revenge can cause you more harm than good.
Unforgiveness or anger is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemy.
5, Consider the good you got out of the relationship and remind yourself how awesome you are.
Love is a blessing even if it ends painfully - People come into our lives for a reason. Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.
6, Sit in a quiet, comfortable place and remind yourself that you are lovable, and then get yourself excited about all the opportunities that await you. Then say this affirmation. Repeat this 6 times a day.
"I am my higher self- I release the past now- I embrace the lessons learned & heal my inner child now- I am always divinely guided & blessed - I trust & love my present now."
7, Recognize unhealthy behaviors and get rid of them. Stick to a structure & routine that ensures you get proper rest, nutrition and exercise. 8, Volunteer - Give back - spread love. Instead of dwelling in the past. Use your energy to help those in need. This will inspire you to count your blessings. 9, Don't use closure as an excuse to talk to your ex. Sometimes you're not going to get the closure you need from your ex- you’ll have to find it on your own by processing the heartbreak with mindfulness techniques like ascension healing or speaking to a therapist or a life coach.
10, Give yourself the time you need to heal before jumping into a new relationship.
I hope this breakup recovery guide has helped you. If you need help to heal from heartbreak and betrayal - Please fill up the form below to book a session.
If you want to learn how to replace negative beliefs with long-lasting states of peace, abundance, and harmony - I offer private online classes to help people awaken their inner mentor, their higher self - so that they can heal negativity and fulfill their highest potential.
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Love, Light & Blessings