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  • Writer's pictureAnjali Lavania

Self-Talk: How To Stop Being Self Critical?

Updated: Jun 1, 2021

the self talk cycle : self love versus self criticism


It is your inner dialogue - your inner voice that talks about your feelings, dreams, hopes, fears, and beliefs.

This inner dialogue comes from your conscious and subconscious beliefs that you have gathered about yourself from your environment while growing up.

Your brain uses this inner dialogue to interpret and process your daily experiences.

Self-talk is different for each person. A positive person will mostly engage in loving and supportive self-talk, while a negative person will lean more towards negativity and self-criticism.

It is scientifically proven that most human beings have a tendency towards negative thinking.

Eg: If we go to a party and receive 10 compliments and 1 insult - we tend to focus more on that 1 insult more than the 10 compliments received.

This tendency is termed the “Negativity Bias.”

The negativity bias is when things of a more negative nature (e.g. unpleasant emotions, social interactions & events ) have a greater effect on one's psychological state than neutral or positive things.

"To keep our ancestors alive, Mother Nature evolved their brain to routinely tricked them into making 3 mistakes: overestimating threats, underestimating opportunities, and underestimating resources.

This is a great way to survive in the caveman days - where we had to hide from predators and store away food for survival - But in our present day “Negativity Bias” is a lousy way to promote quality of life." DR. Rick Hanson, Psychologist

negativity bias: why do we focus more on negativity

Why do we allow ourselves to be self-critical?

Problem: People often believe that negative self-talk mentally prepares them for disappointment and setbacks, or sometimes people believe that they simply deserve it.

Solution1: Ask yourself - How would you speak to your best friend or loved one if they were in the same situation as you? Would you still be so negative? Or would use a more supportive and positive tone to guide them?

Solution 2: “Research shows that addressing oneself in the third person - Using one’s name instead of “I” during moments of inner dialogue, can create useful psychological distance from the emotional intensity of the self, enabling one to move forward with greater perspective, calm, and confidence.” - Psychology Today.

Solution 3: “The best way to silence your inner critic is to introduce a new inner voice that is an ally who consciously seeks, notices, and focuses on the good things about yourself, and can help you feel calmer, centered, and open to finding solutions.” - Psychology Today.



what is your higher self - calming loving reassuring inner voice

As children we feel invincible, believing that we can achieve anything we put our minds to, but as we grow older - why do we let age, money, and others' opinions make us indulge in negative self-talk?

Our individual life experiences make us who we are - Each of us have a unique combination of personality, talent & ideas that the universe needs, and that is exactly why we were created in the first place.


Let's break this down.

Believe meaning - accept that (something) is true, especially without proof. So by that definition, believing in yourself. Requires you to accept that your SELF IS TRUE WITHOUT PROOF!

What is the SELF? Who are we? Who is in charge of this body? What are we meant to accomplish in life? So many questions - one answer! Believe in your HIGHER SELF!

1, Your Higher Self is that wise energy that calms you down with the right perspective when you feel anxious.

2, That intuitive self that shows you the right way thru gut feelings.

3, And that creative self that helps you brainstorm ideas.

Your Higher Self is that wise energy that calms you down with the right perspective when you feel anxious. 2,That intuitive self that shows you the right way thru gut feelings.

There is no visible proof of this energy but then again we can't see the two most powerful energies that help us survive: gravity and air - we can only feel it. Similarly, your higher self may not be seen but its reassuring love, support and guidance can be felt.

Your instincts, your gut feelings are like a compass that points you in the right direction, in this vast ocean called life.

Life is always filled with so many confusing choices, distractions, and problems - And that is why your number one goal is to always connect with your HIGHER SELF - To help you feel more centered - So that you can make the right choices that will benefit your life.

Why Self-Talk Matters

A strong, loving, and supportive inner voice will determine how successfully a person deals with the ups and downs in life.

A critical inner voice can help people overcome internal and external obstacles to achieving goals - But over time, this same critical voice can lower self-confidence and limit one’s growth.

While, a positive and loving inner voice, not only strengthens self-worth, self-belief & self-acceptance - It also betters one’s performance to give long-lasting results.


1. Trying To Survive The Rat Race?

It’s unfortunate that the society we live in is obsessed with success, fame, and money - That compels us to obsessively think and act in unhealthy ways to survive the rat race.

Eg: “I am not good enough / rich enough - I have to secure my future with a house, car and at least a million dollars in my bank account to survive in this dog eat dog world.”

These kinds of thoughts can make us engage in unhealthy behaviour - Where we end up ignoring our principles & ethics to aggressively achieve more money, fame, and success.

Each time we step over our ethical boundaries - we end up losing a piece of our self-esteem and self-worth - which then eventually causes us to feel more and more depressed and anxious.

Advice: Learn how to connect with your Higher Self:

1, So that you learn how to give your best and achieve your goals without selling your soul.

2, To Learn when to give your best and when to let go of things that are beyond your control.

3, To learn how to heal your self-belief & self-esteem by establishing and reinforcing healthier boundaries that are in sync with your Ethics.

2. Making Bad Decisions When You Feel Low?

When we feel low due to outside circumstances - we need to remember that the situation is temporary, and moments like these will pass too.

Emotion = Energy in Motion.

It's important to understand how emotions flow through us.

Why does hatred, sadness, fear & anger make us feel low, and conversely, why does love, happiness, hope & peace make us feel like we are in a higher state of being?

You see, emotions are our inner compass - They act as messengers, by telling us what feels good and what feels bad.

It's through our emotions that we can make sense of the outside world and know whether we feel good about a situation or not. ... But there is a catch - we must not hold on to the messenger and obsess about the message OR MISINTERPRET THE MESSAGE.

There is no point holding on to the message of sadness and obsessing over it - Because then it turns into depression.

A healthier approach is to process the message with the help of introspection.

Introspection helps us understand why something is making us feel sad and it will also help us understand the lessons we’re meant to learn to stop the sadness - WHICH THEN TURNS IT INTO A BLESSING.

If we all processed our emotions this way - we would regain our balance and equilibrium more easily.

Advice: When you feel low - you should calm & RECENTER yourself first to avoid making bad decisions that stem from negative self talk.

emotions = energy in motion, You see, emotions are our inner compass - They act like messengers, by telling us what feels good and what feels bad.

3. Assuming What Other People Are Thinking?

If you tend to engage in negative self-talk - the worst thing you can do is to guess what someone else is thinking or feeling.

If you have a tendency to think negatively - you might end up making incorrect assumptions that lean towards negativity & being biased.

Advice: Assume less by clarifying people’s intentions by trying to be open and heartfelt with the way you communicate with them.

4. Guilty Thoughts?

Do you mentally beat yourself up when you do something you regret?

Do these feelings of shame and regret then make you feel like you don’t deserve happiness or success?

Advice: Engage in activities to recenter yourself like Ascension Healing to truly learn how to forgive yourself and to understand that no one is perfect. Everyone learns through mistakes.

It’s important to connect with your Higher Self to remind yourself that there have been moments when you have been good, helpful, and kind.

So instead of focusing on the guilt:

1, Try to focus on the lessons learned in the present.

2, Then focus on the good you have done in the past.

3, Finally focus on the good you can do in the future - By turning guilt into a positive lesson to become a better person.

5, Focusing On The Worst Case Scenario?

Negative self-talk is an unhealthy tendency to imagine the worst-case scenario and to fixate on what can go wrong versus what can go right.

Advice: Counting one’s blessings with gratitude helps people feel more positive and focused on the opportunities in the present moment.

Step 1: Whenever you catch yourself thinking about the worst-case scenario - Take a moment to switch your focus on the blessings of the present moment.

Step 2: Then after you spend time counting your blessings - Take a moment to stretch your imagination to think about the possible best-case scenario.

Step 3: This will help you realize that there are multiple possibilities for every situation - BUT BASED ON THE LAW OF ATTRACTION - ONLY THE POSSIBILITY YOU DECIDE TO FOCUS ON IN THE PRESENT MOMENT - WILL GROW!

how to stop negative walk

10 Steps To Make Positive Self Talk A Habit: From Negativity To Productivity.

1, What is your goal?

Eg 1: I want to be fit and toned.

Eg 2: I want to travel to Greece.

2, See where are you at now? (Point A)

Eg 1: I feel so chubby and I eat too much junk food.

Eg 2: I don’t have money to travel.

3,Think about where you want to be goal wise. (Point B)

Eg 1: Being fit & toned walking on the beach happily.

Eg 2: Enjoying a wonderful vacation in Greece.

4, Become aware of your Self Talk - Was it positive or negative?

Eg1: Stop day dreaming you will always be fat.

Eg 2: I will never be able to save up enough money to travel to Greece.

5, Challenge your negative self-talk.

Is your negative self-talk based on false beliefs?

Eg 1: Is it really impossible for me to lose weight?

Eg 2: Am I really incapable of saving money?

6, Focus back to the present moment and count your blessings.

Eg 1: I am so grateful that I have no major illness. I am blessed with the energy to work out whenever I want to and I am blessed that I have access to online classes to help me lose weight.

Eg 2: I am blessed with food to eat and a roof over my head. I am blessed with a job to be able to pay my bills.

7, Practice Self love: Get rid of negative internal chatter by talking to yourself like you would talk to your best friend.

Eg 1: I would tell my best friend - I believe in you. You can be fit in 6 months - You just have to cut down on junk food and work out for 30 minutes a day.

Eg 2: I would tell my best friend - You can easily do it - You just need to stop spending all your money on alcohol & shopping - so that you’re able to save up enough money to go to Greece.

8, Heal Yourself: Connect with your loving Higher Self.

Find the hidden blessing in your situation.

Eg 1: I feel bad that I don’t fit into my clothes - But I am grateful that this realization is helping me change my unhealthy habits before I end up with a major health problem.

Eg 2: I feel bad about not having enough money to travel whenever I want to - But this is giving me the opportunity to stop spending money on bad habits.

9, Make a step by step plan to go from Point A - Point B. Make sure you ask a friend / family member to be your accountability buddy - to make sure you finish your daily + weekly tasks.

Eg 1: I must start an intermittent fasting diet plan and start working out for at least 30 minutes a day.

Eg 2: I must Save 10% percent of my salary every month and cut down on extravagant shopping expenses + I should stop spending money on alcohol every weekend.

10, To make positive self-talk a daily habit - Create an affirmation that aligns with your goal.

Say this affirmation x 6 times a day while visualizing yourself achieving your goal.

Eg 1: I am healthy and fit. I love working out and being healthy. (Imagine yourself with a toned healthy body while saying it)

Eg 2: I am wealthy and happy. I have unlimited resources to travel wherever I want, whenever I want. (Imagine having fun in Greece)

10 Steps To Make positive Self Talk A Habit: From Negativity To Productivity.

To learn more about how to make your Higher Self your inner voice:

1, Please check out this link below.

2, And if you want to contact me please fill up the form below with your questions and I will get back to you. Bonus! Fill in your birth details in the form below to receive your free Planetary Past Life Influence Report.

Love, Light & Blessings



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