- ANJALI LAVANIA
You’ll never resolve an argument with what he said or she said - the solution is within what WE SAID
Updated: Jul 12, 2020
I have noticed a recurring theme in my life coaching sessions where people seem to think that their side of the story justifies their actions and their behaviour. But there is always two sides to a story, two different perspectives from two people whose personalities have been defined by their upbringing, their experiences and their cultural backgrounds. In an argument/ disagreement, One must learn how to first diffuse a negative situation by not immediately reacting to it with negativity or by being defensive.
( refer to article on how to diffuse a negative situation https://www.theascensionhealer.com/single-post/2016/10/30/How-to-diffuse-a-Negative-Situation)
Learn to hear the other person out completely, try to understand their perspective, try to put yourselves in their shoes and understand where they are coming from . Often times people aren’t able to properly convey what’s really bothering them. They might say something else to mask their main issue like; “I don’t care- Do what you want !” The energy and tone with which people communicate are indicative of many underlying issues. Most people don’t know how to express themselves effectively because they expect people to Understand them and they don’t want to show their vulnerability. Or there are some people who just keep complaining, who are always the victim to insensitivity and selfishness. The best way to deal with an argument is to stay as neutral as possible, which means stop reacting negatively to anything anyone says .
Why are you giving another person the power to affect you negatively in the first place. Their behaviour is indicative of their traumas and their past experiences. Understand where they are coming from and never take it personally. If you feel you are right then why do you need to scream, shout or use abusive language to prove you are right ....or why do you need to cry and get upset? Your energy instead should radiate calm assuredness . If the other person does not want to understand you, isn’t it wiser to recognise that fact and let go, instead of wasting your energy trying to penetrate a wall . Of course, if that person is someone you love and it is important that they understand you - then don’t try to enforce anything through ego or anger or being stubborn, as then the wall will only stand stronger than before . Darkness cannot wipe out darkness only light can do that, hate cannot wipe out hate only love can do that . So instead of arguing till you turn blue, try these steps for a change:
1, Pacify the person you love, by understanding their point of view lovingly. 2, Then genuinely apologise for any grievances you may have consciously or unconsciously caused them. This always helps to ease out unforgiveness/anger. 3, Explain where you are coming from by requesting them to take the journey of putting themselves in your shoes and understanding your point of view like you patiently heard them out. (It helps to be as humble and loving as possible not angry / egotistical) 4, Suggest a solution that benefits both people, this will help resolve hurt feelings . From my experience, these steps have always helped . It is wiser to have such discussions when you have given adequate time to let one's immediate negative reactions calm down . Another recurring pattern is claiming you love someone so much but at the same time you keep reacting to the negativity in that person . Everyone has good and bad in them , when you love someone you accept the good and the bad and you try your best to create a loving / stable environment for your loved ones to improve on their negative habits . This cannot happen if you are waiting for them to mess up by constantly, tearing them apart by triggering them.... or by constantly testing them .
Instead let them know you love them and want to help them find a stable solution and will patiently work towards a resolution together. I am not supporting abusive behaviour, if you feel unsafe and traumatised pls contact trusted family members/friends who can help you out of the situation.
If you have tried everything you can and the abuse persists please muster the courage to walk away from consistent abuse and unreasonable people. Each situation is unique, use your instinct to know when enough is enough and to realise if the other person is genuinely capable of change. May the universe fill you with love light and wisdom to help you with your journey . Know that once you make the decision to improve a situation, the universe will recognise your persistence and will guide you.
Change begins with you . Love and light. Anjali Theascensionhealer.com To book a tarot session/ ascension healing / life coach session / in-depth gifts and blocks reading.
Email me : theascensionhealer@gmail.com
