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  • Writer's pictureAnjali Lavania

Why is change so difficult?

Updated: Sep 18, 2020


Unfortunately repeatedly thinking about negative memories from the Past - ends up Hardwiring those Past Experiences into your brain to form an unhealthy habit or a fixed unhealthy belief. 2, ARE YOU STUCK IN SAME ENVIRONMENT or holding on to OUTDATED BELIEFS. If one has No New Experiences - the brain keeps Producing Same Neural Pathways that become Habitual ways of thinking. 3, EMOTION IS LIKE A DRUG : When you spend a lot of time with an Emotionally charged thought - you start forming neural pathways that ends up becoming an unhealthy belief (Eg: I am not good enough or I will never find true love)

That Is Why Changing Emotional Patterns Is Like Drug Withdrawal. You need a new experience that produces positive emotions to replace negative ones. When you find yourself stuck in the past or feeling low - Make sure you Engage in healthy daily HABITS like working out, walking in nature or meditating to fill your body with feel good hormones - which will help you move away from negativity. Meditating just once or watching one inspirational video will not change your negative habit. ONLY CONSISTENCY/ REPETITION OF A HABIT WILL REWIRE YOUR BRAIN TO CREATE SUBCONSCIOUS HABITS. What is the Subconscious Mind? All those thoughts, habits, beliefs and your self image that exist "Below your awareness level - is your Subconscious Mind. While growing up we adopt many of our habits by watching our parents and that is why as adults - we don't even realize that when things get tough - we start subconsciously reacting in the exact same way our parent did. That is why it is so important to develop habits like meditation and ascension healing, that encourage mindfulness and self awareness- so that we stop reacting from our subconscious negative habits and instead, start proactively being our calm higher self during difficult situations . Another solution is to develop positive SUBCONSCIOUS HABITS THAT REQUIRE LESS WILL POWER. When we Use subconscious habits to do the heavy lifting, like training our subconscious mind on a daily basis to meditate, work out or eat right - it helps us saves our will power for more important things. "Habits lowers your reliance on willpower and motivation because, habits are actions that you take on a repeated basis with little or no required effort or thought." Eg: Brushing your teeth "Conscious Visualisation + Consistency + Reward = CHANGE OF HABIT" 1, Use Conscious Visualisation (imagine) what you want to achieve and then use VISUAL GOALS to inspire change; like a VISION BOARD ON YOUR PHONE WITH PICTURES OF YOUR ROLE MODELS/ GOALS / DESIRES. 2, Consistency : Practice the same habit at the same time each day to train your subconscious mind to operate automatically. 3, REWARD YOURSELF : Study at Stanford University found that People tend to value their current time over future results since the brain values immediate rewards over future rewards. So Make HABITS FUN and keep it exciting by setting up rewards for yourself. The reward can be to View the habit as a positive activity. Eg: From your past experiences - you know that you’d feel much better after 30 minutes of swimming than IF YOU DIDN'T SWIM AT ALL. Or Give yourself a small gift e.g: Tell yourself if you succeed going to your kickboxing class twice per week for one month - you’ll buy yourself new sneakers. James Clear explains the reward system beautifully; "Your brain is a reward detector : Feelings of pleasure & disappointment helps your brain distinguish useful actions from useless ones We chase rewards because they serve two purposes: (1) they satisfy the craving & (2) they teach us. Eg: You wake up -You want to feel alert - You drink a cup of coffee - You satisfy your craving to feel alert - Drinking coffee becomes your reward associated with waking up. So what can you do to change a habit? E.g: You want to quit social media checking habit Ask yourself - is this good for my goals - why am I engaging in this habit ? You might discover that the True motivation behind social media checking habit is to escape the pain of boredom & gain the pleasure of entertainment. In order to quit that habit cycle - Replace it : Come up with a pleasure greater than entertainment & pain greater than boredom FOR THAT DAY." Eg: Pleasure - accomplishment of writing one chapter today of my book. Eg: Pain - Feeling guilty / unfocused if I don't finish the chapter. There’s a catch when replacing initial pain and pleasure cycle. It takes conscious effort & repetition to replace an unconscious motivation with a conscious motivation You need to consciously repeat the new motivation to replace the old one over and over until - new one becomes second nature (SUBCONSCIOUS HABIT) If you are giving up something - make sure you adequately replace any needs lost. If watching television MADE YOU relax - take up meditation or reading as a way to replace that same need. Don’t Let Guilt Stop Your HABIT Guilt & regret are draining emotions. Wasting time blaming yourself for not sticking to your habit - will only make you extra tired & frustrated. Don’t be angry with yourself - Instead focus back your energy on restarting your daily habits. Dr. Karyn Purvis of Texas University says, it takes over 400 repetitions to create a synapse in the brain (true learning) without playful engagement OR about 12 repetitions to create a synapse when you use play to teach.

So, if you really want to effectively and efficiently teach your children (or anyone for that matter), use PLAY!

Check out these below articles to learn more about breaking free from addictions and strengthening your will power.

If you need guidance, I can help you figure an achievable plan to break free from your addiction and refocus on your goals.

Please Email me to learn more or you can directly sign up for different sessions through this link:

Love light and blessings Anjali 

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